It’s that time of year again! Everybody is gearing up their Facebook statuses for thirty days of gratitude, and I can’t wait to read every single heartfelt sentiment.
Even if it is November, thankfulness isn’t always easy. I can usually keep it up for about ten minutes before I think, Who gave that person a driver’s license? Thank goodness social media takes nine-and-a-half minutes less to profess our undying gratitude.
However, even with a shorter timeframe, you may struggle to find the reason for the stuff-your-face season. Well, I’m grateful to have this opportunity to create a use-as-needed, thankfulness status list for every day in the month of November. Don’t think of it as stealing my ideas. Think of it as borrowing my thankfulness until you find your own.
November 1: I’m thankful for my FitBit so I can know how lazy I am on a daily basis.
November 2: I’m thankful for knee-high boots because how else would anyone know it’s fall.
November 3: I’m thankful I’m an adult so I can eat candy whenever I want.
November 4: I’m thankful my cats look cute because within one minute of cleaning the litter box, they poop.
November 5: I’m thankful for email and text saving me from awkward conversations on the phone. I’ll be implementing this in person soon.
November 6: I’m thankful for crying because how else would people know I just watched another episode of Parenthood.
November 7: I’m thankful for friends who are not over-scheduled because it’s easier to squeeze them into my schedule.
November 8: I’m thankful I’ve only wished to be YouTube-famous once in a very sleep-deprived state and couldn’t figure out how to upload the video.
November 9: I’m thankful for people who don’t understand four-way stops because I can test out my horn.
November 10: I’m thankful for Netflix because I used to have to limit my binge TV watching to TNT marathons of Law & Order.
November 11: I’m thankful for people who wear sweatpants so I can easily find new friends.
November 12: I’m thankful I’m not on reality TV because everyone would steal my cool parenting ideas like bribing my kids with video games.
November 13: I’m thankful I’m not… tag any Facebook friends who are having a terrible year.
November 14: I’m thankful my mom doesn’t dress me anymore because that seventies polyester V-neck jumpsuit didn’t go over well in second grade.
November 15: I’m thankful the keyboard spells “qwerty” because I play way too much Words with Friends (username: LateEnough).
November 16: I’m thankful for socks because I can hide my kids’ dirty feet on non-bath nights.
November 17: I’m thankful for my dog’s hatred of squirrels because I am now prepared for their imminent attack.
November 18: I’m thankful I’m not a twin because one of me is hard enough to deal with.
November 19: I’m thankful for the ability to make grammar experts feel superior by ending yesterday’s and tomorrow’s gratitude with a preposition.
November 20: I’m thankful for babies and dogs to blame farts on.
November 21: I’m thankful that whatever I post online doesn’t have to resemble my reality one bit.
November 22: I’m thankful I wasn’t the only parent who found kindergarten homework too hard last week.
November 23: I’m thankful I can offer prayers whenever I don’t feel like doing anything else for someone.
November 24: I’m thankful my dog thinks I’m a much better person than I am and constantly barks it to my neighbors.
November 25: (Spoiler alert!) I’m thankful that right before Daryl probably died, my WiFi paused and added a red swirl for dramatic effect.
November 26: I’m thankful I’m not a turkey.
November 27: I’m thankful we had one good day with Native Americans.
November 28: I’m thankful for FedEx and UPS trucks stopping in front of my house because… STUFF!
November 29: I’m thankful for indoor plumbing.
November 30: I’m thankful I can spend the other eleven months being self-centered and unappreciative.
After thirty gratitudes, I am still thankful I could get you into the Thanksgiving spirit, if only online, where strangers and acquaintances can Like it, and our real friends can laugh at it because they got the text about all those crappy drivers you just dealt with at the mall doing your Christmas shopping.