Having come of age during the Title IX era, I was a proud participant in the early movement that helped transform every field, court, and sandlot into blank slates on which young girls could write all their stories of sports glory. Or at least try.
Softball, basketball, volleyball, cheerleading, and gymnastics – I was on a bunch of teams from elementary school through high school. When I was a kid, there was nothing close to the recreational and travel leagues that exist now. At no point did I imagine I would play any sport professionally, and my family had long assured me that any college scholarship I might finagle would be the result of my brain power – not my overhand serve, not my throwing arm, and not my upper-body strength.
Times have changed, huh? Most kids don’t want to play all the sports, and most families couldn’t afford to let them if they wanted to. Even though experts tell us that our kids should not play one sport exclusively, it’s easier on everyone if they do, isn’t it? The kids know the ropes; we know the ropes. For lots of reasons, season after season, year after year, many children (even if it’s really not all that fun for them anymore) just keep playing that one sport.
Until the a-ha moment.
It was late spring of sophomore year, and our oldest daughter was wrapping up her JV soccer season in a fairly competitive high school program. Her coach emailed with a plan to help her make varsity the next season. There were camps! There were personal trainers! “She is undersized,” he said, “but if she could work on her stride…” He even sent us a link to sign up for a far-away camp that guaranteed results. We couldn’t wait to tell her about the opportunity.
Sam came home that same day, after practicing with the varsity team to help them prepare for the state tournament, and asked if it would be disappointing for us if she didn’t try out for soccer the next year. She was concerned sports would interfere with her schoolwork. While we were this close (picture parental fingers pinching together) to signing up our daughter for rigorous soccer training so she could have a better shot at playing varsity, Sam had other plans.
Although this a-ha moment came relatively late in our daughter’s soccer-playing career, looking back, it’s easy to identify other lessons. While parenting three kids through two decades of recreational, travel, middle school, and high school sports, here are some of the things I’ve learned:
- Winning is not everything. Growing and improving are everything. And fun is extremely important. Learning how to lose with dignity and grace far exceeds winning. If there is someone in your family telling a child that winning comes first, no matter what, ask them to stop – yes, even if it’s Grandma or Pops!
- Embrace differences and find the good in every team. Depending on where you live, the early years of team sports at the YMCA or another rec league might be the only exposure your child has to teammates who don’t have the same color skin, or run as fast as her, or eat the same snacks as the rest of the team. Use this experience to teach your child kindness and the meaning of the word inclusion.
- No matter their age, kids need to enjoy the sport they are playing. They should want to play it. The first time they grouse about a game or whine about getting ready for practice, ignore it. The next time, make a note of it. If the complaints keep coming, you should say, “You don’t get to play this sport next season.”
- “I like to watch you play” is the best thing parents can say to their sports-playing kids. I read this a long time ago on a blog called Hands-Free Mama and immediately hijacked it. I remember the time I tried to explain to one of my girls how to play a position in a particular sport, and she said, “It’s not as easy as it looks.” Of course it isn’t, and all the mom-talk in the world wasn’t going to change that. “I like to watch you play” is honest and from the heart.
- It’s hard to make any school team, let alone get significant minutes. This is where trying a variety of sports might come in handy for your kids. If soccer is the most popular sport in your part of town, making the field hockey team or running track might be an easier target. In the end, athletic scholarships are offered to fewer than 2 percent of high school student-athletes planning to attend college, so it’s really not imperative that kids dominate every game when they’re eight. Whether your children are just starting to play sports or they’ve been at it a while, try not to burden the experience with the weight of your expectations.
When you’re watching your kids this season, please remember my daughter’s words of wisdom: “It’s not as easy as it looks!” Take a deep breath, remind your child (lovingly) to have fun, and above all, try to enjoy watching her play for as long as you can.
