As a working mom of three, my “mom mantra” has always been to enjoy the ride. Fall in love with the unpredictable journey, breathe in every moment, and accept that you may or may not be able to change when you walk in the door after work. Don’t sweat the small stuff — it’s not the end of the world if your 4-year-old twins want to eat popsicles for breakfast.
Yet despite my best intentions to just go with the flow, I’ve always felt the ever-present threat of chaos. I’ve found myself anticipating the next ball drop, and ironically, it was right in the middle of my most overwhelming disasters that I discovered my greatest life lessons and victories.
Here are five real-life discovered and tested ways that have helped me find the calm in the midst of life’s chaos.
Press pause.
For everyone who has hid behind the bathroom door during a challenging parenting moment (or at least wanted to), I’m here to say that if it’s safe to do so, step away for a moment. It’s amazing what a few stimulus-free moments and deep breaths can do for your nervous system and perspective. Pressing pause gives you a moment to step away from the energy and emotion connected to whatever challenge is at hand, opens up space to untether yourself from the expectations of a particular outcome, and allows you time to choose how you’ll respond.
Stop comparisons.
Free yourself from comparing your routine, children, or yourself to a neighbor, friend, or someone online. It’s easy to feel like you are the only mom who can’t get her kids to bed on time. I felt like everyone but me had their children’s schedules locked in, while I was still in deep bedtime negotiations with my kids. The more I dwelled on what others were doing, the less empowered I felt. Stop making comparisons and write your own story. Even if each night brings a plot twist, you are the author of your very own bestseller. Walk away from the comparison chart. You’ll feel so much lighter when you aren’t bound to what you have convinced yourself works for everyone else but you.
Abandon the plan.
Have you ever noticed that when you need everything to run like clockwork, that’s when it all goes awry? Especially when failure is not an option, we can become so locked in to what needs to happen that we miss the opportunities that could make our lives so much easier. Abandoning the plan allows us to step into the present and respond to what’s happening in the moment rather than fixating on what’s next on the list. Abandoning the plan doesn’t mean abandoning your purpose, though. The end goal and outcome stay the same, but going off script can open your eyes to new possibilities.
Get creative.
During one especially chaotic bedtime, I quietly slipped into the bathroom for a much-needed pause, and after a few glorious stimulus-free moments, I opened the door and spontaneously turned into a character that surprised even me. My children begged me to reveal this mystery visitor’s name, and as surprising as her arrival, “Mrs. Gourd” went on to read bedtime stories, saving bedtime — and me — from a meltdown. When things start to unravel, giving yourself permission to pause and abandon the script makes room for creativity. A little imagination, a silly voice, or an unexpected character can turn chaos into connection. Whether it’s Mrs. Gourd or another imaginative character, allow yourself the freedom to have some fun. When I did that, the energy shifted, and we were all connected again.
Choose to be grateful.
It’s hard to be grateful when your toddler is throwing a tantrum in the middle of Target. Believe me, I’ve been there. But if gratitude is the currency of the universe, then as caregivers, we have the opportunity to be paid an endless supply. Celebrating who you “get to be” can be a powerful shift in perspective. We get to be that person in their world, and what a gift that is. It’s not just gratitude for the experience, but appreciation for the person you have the opportunity to be in someone else’s life.
These tips are all rooted in one simple principle: step away from the clock and into the present moment. Will that magically end the meltdown in aisle seven? Not every day. But giving yourself permission to abandon the plan and embrace the moment will open the door to possibilities you never imagined. And somewhere in those possibilities, you might just find the calm in the midst of chaos.
