By Phoebe Hall, Esq., and Julie Cillo, Esq.
Sometimes even the best intended parents find themselves faced with separation/divorce and the changes it brings to them and to their children. Suddenly, all the plans they have made for the future are no longer possible, and new plans and arrangements have to be made, either by agreement or by the courts.
There is nothing more important for parents than making good plans for their children. This is not easy because it involves intense feelings about the breakup of the relationship/marriage and the roles of each party, ideas which often differ about what is best for the children, and financial matters that complicate decision-making.
The ages of the children make a big difference in planning. Preschool and young children have different needs from high school children getting ready to go off to college in the blink of an eye.
It also makes a big difference whether financial resources are adequate for two households, and whether both parties have nearly equal incomes or one is a stay at home parent. Issues of self employment, job loss, drug or alcohol abuse, irresponsibility, and sometimes domestic violence, as well as unique situations such as autism or other special needs can complicate the arrangements.
Experienced family law attorneys have walked down these paths with many clients. They use their knowledge and skill to help a client understand the kinds of arrangements that can be made, the various ways of approaching the situation, and ways of protecting their children as well as their own rights. They understand the potential consequences of different types of arrangements and can advise about the pros and cons of various ideas. They can work with other child professionals to help parents determine options. They serve as trusted advisors and advocates.
The important thing is to keep your eye on the big picture and work as cooperatively as you can so long as things can be worked out consistent with your children’s needs and your parental rights. Being able to talk to the other parent even if you are angry with each other is really important. Most cases can be settled out of court when parents can cooperate and good lawyers are involved, but if court becomes necessary you want the strongest of advocates on your side, working passionately for you and your children.
