This August marks three years since my brother’s tragic and unexpected passing – as I write this I actually had to double-check the date because it feels like just yesterday and decades ago at the same time. Grief has a funny way of impacting how time passes in that way. That’s one of the many lessons I’ve learned over the past few years, and I’d like to share some more of them with you.
First, it’s important to know that grief is not linear. It’s not like a bruise that fades slowly until it’s no longer visible or painful to the touch. Some days you’ll find yourself overtaken by sadness and other days you may not feel sad at all. This is all part of the process, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling this range of emotions even years down the road.
It’s also important to talk with someone, whether it’s a close friend, family members, or a professional. I found it helpful to join a grief group with others experiencing a similar loss. Talking with others who are also grieving can help you feel less alone. In my group, we were able to to discuss the complicated emotions we were feeling and lean on and learn from each other during a very trying time in our lives. We also created some lasting bonds and still keep in touch with each other.
Something else I’ve learned is that everyone grieves differently, and that’s okay. The way I dealt with my brother’s death wasn’t the same way my mom did. We healed (and are still healing) in different ways and found comfort in different things. Don’t try to force yourself or someone else to grieve a certain way. It may take time, but eventually you’ll find what works for you.
My favorite lesson I’ve learned is that while your loved one may physically be gone, they do not have to be forgotten. Not a day goes by that something doesn’t remind me of my brother – whether it’s a joke or a song that jogs my memory, I always smile thinking back on times we shared together. He’s still with me in that way.
If you’re in a season of grieving, I hope that these lessons I’ve learned can help you in some way and bring you some solace.
