I’ve never been particularly good at anything. Over the years, I’ve given many hobbies, sports, etc. my best shot – tap dancing, cheerleading, basketball, guitar, horseback riding, tennis, beauty pageants, cheerleading again, golf – but none of them ever stuck. While some may see this as a lack of perseverance on my part or a lack of discipline on my parents’ part, I see it as a wonderful lesson that sometimes quitting isn’t a bad thing.
When I was 7 years old, I decided I wasn’t interested in tap dancing anymore. After about a year of lessons, I no longer enjoyed it and, frankly, I was a bad dancer and showed no promise of improving. I had been silently mulling over this decision in the car on the way to school, and as I got out of the car, I said to my mom, “I don’t want to do tap anymore.” She responded, “That’s fine, you don’t have to.” End of discussion. I didn’t think much of that interaction at the time, but looking back, there are a couple key takeaways.
First, because my mom respected my decision to no longer participate in an activity that didn’t feel right for me, it gave me the confidence to speak up in similar situations in the future. When I wanted to switch schools to better my education, she listened to my reasoning and supported the transition. When I decided I wanted to move to a different state after I graduated college, she tearfully wished me well and helped me pack my car. Then, four months later when I decided I wanted to move back home, she drove to South Carolina and helped me pack my car again. My mom’s support helped me learn to trust my gut and allowed me to feel safe voicing my wants and needs.
This experience also taught me to reconsider the meaning of failure. Quitting or walking away from a situation is often seen as a failure because it must mean we didn’t give something our all or see it through to completion. I’ve always viewed it as more of a learning opportunity, though. Trying and quitting so many hobbies taught me so much about myself – I’m not musically talented, but I am a good writer; I don’t enjoy competitive sports, but I do like staying active; and I simply just don’t like horses. Knowing these things about myself led me to make more informed decisions moving forward, whether it was my next hobby or my career path.
Don’t get me wrong, I also believe that toughing out difficult or unenjoyable situations can build character. I did my fair share of that, too. Years of P.E. and math classes as a kid taught me that sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to do. I also know I may feel differently about my child quitting when I’m a mom and I’ve invested my own time and money in their hobbies. But all I can tell you now is that, as an adult, I’m grateful to my mom for teaching me that it’s okay to walk away from situations, people, or places that aren’t right for me.
So, the next time your child wants to give up on a sport or hobby, I invite you to consider that sometimes allowing them to quit might be the best thing for them.
